Advicetap Blog

Today’s guest post was written by long time communications consulting professional Ken Welsh. To find out more about Ken and his years of international business and consulting experience visit www.letstalkcommunication.com

Well, as someone who coaches and consults around the world what should I give you as my first gem? (My parents are opal miners in Australia’s Outback so you may find my using word like, “gem”, “colour”, “dust”, “dirt”, “kangaroo” and “emu” a lot! ) One of my specialities is the power of language (all of our language, verbal, written, body and subliminal) to affect behaviour, so let’s look at a simple principle that has the ability to transform the way that people relate to us.

One of my specialties is the power of language (all of our language, verbal, written, body and subliminal) to affect behaviour, so let’s look at a simple principle that has the ability to transform the way that people relate to us.

Tell them what they CAN do (rather than what they CAN’T).

In a previous incarnation I was a young trainee City Planner, merely one amongst a myriad of other city planners, in a large bureaucracy. Many of my fellow planners were life-termers, they started there, continued there and would likely stay there until retirement. Hey, I’m not knocking it, it was a great job and one that could be made VERY easy by the use of simple words like “NO”, “CAN’T”, “DON’T” and “WON’T”,

Word such as these have the power to do two things:

1. Make some people’s lives very easy (namely the user)
2. Make other people’s lives very hard (namely the use-ee)

This was particularly the case in a large organisation with little or no accountability. Simply say “no” to a development, proposal, plan or idea and you had the power to stifle both it and the ambitions of the person that you said it to. Likewise, as a “decision maker” it was much safer to maintain the status quo by saying “no” than by saying “yes” and needing to deal with the outcome, good or bad. Say “no” and you wouldn’t have to deal with angry neighbours, residents or politicians who didn’t agree with what you’d said “yes” to.

However I was extremely lucky in that I had a rather progressive boss, he wouldn’t let this young trainee say “no”, my only options were – “Approve” or “Defer & Confer”. “Defer & Confer” meant that I had to meet with an applicant, talk with them and see if there was anything that we could do to help the proposal work for everyone concerned. Then, after graduation, I took this approach to my next job and it was incredible how everyone wanted to deal with me – I was the planner who made things work. The quality of my outcomes was no less than adjacent planner’s areas, in fact I think that my area turned out better in many ways (he says modestly!) I was still sticking with the guidelines, however I was telling people what they COULD do rather than what they COULDN’T.

Nowadays I coach people in this a very similar technique – “tell people what they can do, or what you can do for them, rather than what they, or you, can’t do”.

Let’s look at a couple of examples:

Personal Life: A businessman that I coached in South Africa rang me one day to say how successful this technique had been in his personal life. He had a rather active 5 year old boy who would constantly run through the house. Ian and his wife replaced “Stop running around” with “Let’s walk around” and within a week his son’s movement through the house were at a more appropriate pace.

The same principle works in our business communication – how much nicer, friendlier and more co-operative does it feel when someone tells you what can be done, rather than what can’t?

Business Life: When low on stock, Rather than saying “we can’t send you 3 widgets today” try “What I can do for you is send you 2 widgets today and then I’ll express courier your 3rd widget by Thursday”. (There are several principles incorporated into this type of response; “What I can do”, plus others that we’ll discuss in later Advicetap articles including – bonding by using an “I4U Statement”, “engendering a sense of client ownership of your product” and “follow-through” or “dateline” statements.) The same basic principles apply whether you’re discussing selling physical products, arranging meetings or providing services.

Your Challenge: (should you choose to accept it!) The challenge that I issue to you this month is: Choose your target, one, two or three people, and make a point of only telling them “Can Do’s” (what they CAN do and what you CAN do for them) for a month. Then see how their behaviour and attitude toward you changes – and of course drop me a line at Advicetap and let me know how you go.

Signing off from OZ
Ken